Sometimes, I find myself gripped by fear.
That's the honest truth- it's a little insight into my heart. I am afraid of things that I cannot control, or simply things that I don't know. Tonight I was flipping through my latest journal entries, and I just really want to share this one.
"God, I am still afraid. I need you, need your love. God, it has never been this tangible. I have never been so close. I picture myself on the edge of a tall cliff, about to plummet off. But maybe it's like how Jenna describes South Dakota, that 'end of the world' feeling. She describes how the road slopes upward, and she can't see anything past it. In her mind, her car is going to come up to the top, and then just disappear, or drive off the edge. But in reality, she is just coming over a little unknown hill, only to see a beautiful, endless expanse infront of her.. An endless expanse that she didn't even know could possibly exist. Father, I know you hold me. I know you do. I know your love for me is binding. I think I am just too afraid. Is it a lack of trust, or fear of the future? Or wisdom?
But perfect love casts out fear, does it not?"
But perfect love casts out fear, does it not?"
So that's a bit where my heart is at tonight. Perhaps it makes no sense to you, or perhaps it makes perfect sense. My broken sentences and random thoughts are sometimes hard to follow, even for me. But I feel that God spoke to me in that moment, saying, "Holland, I've got you. Just hold on."
So perhaps it looks like a little less fear, a little more trust, and a lot more Jesus.
So perhaps it looks like a little less fear, a little more trust, and a lot more Jesus.